This post has been sitting in my drafts for several weeks! To be honest, I really wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to share this, but knowing this space is so special to me and that I want to keep things real over here, I felt it was important to write about! Especially because the more people I speak to about it, the more people relate to how I'm feeling. And that's a good feeling, am I right?
This past summer, I made the decision to move home. That's right. Back home with mom and siblings and furniture that wasn't mine. My lease was ending and my roommate and good friend was moving out of state, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with work, and I was attempting to develop my own business. I was feeling like the craziness of DC was getting to me. The political/social climate was just different and sometimes even stressful. I was constantly feeling stressed out over little things, unmotivated, and stuck. I wasn't saving, because.... DC. And I was (still am) going through that quarter-life-crisis of not knowing what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be. I wanted my own apartment, but rent can be crazy and I didn't want to move from one lease right into another just yet.
I decided instead to move back home to Maryland and commute in to my office for the few days I'm there. I wanted to save money, a lot of it. I wanted to invest in my business and you know, just figure things out. Truth is, I'd love to eventually be able to support myself through Natalie Catalina LLC, among other things. My fulltime job is amazing. I'm very lucky, I make good money, have awesome benefits, a team I'm in love with, and experiences and opportunities that are incredibly beneficial. But, it's not my passion. I'm also not sure I really want to live in the area anymore. I see myself close to the ocean, under the sun, and somewhere with a forever summer (I could always come home over for some seasonal enjoyment!). So I chose home for now.
Having to say I moved home when I catch up with people has had me feeling lame and guilty, and maybe even judged (entire Lucille Ball facial expression). But then I'm met with wonderful advice and confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. I met with Almila a couple weeks ago and she told me something I wanted to hear. She said that this is an investment in my future and that really stuck with me. This is the right move (no pun intended). It's also been quite a blessing in disguise, for personal reasons, to be surrounded by people I love and to have the support of each other.
Moving home also brings up a lot of other feelings and fears about where I'm at in my life - single and not in a career I love. But then I bring myself back to the fact that everyone has a different story. I have so many friends married or married with kids, ones living with their boyfriends, or a few engaged, and then there are the small amount of us that are single. Grace recently wrote this article on How to Be Single and I loved it. Though we're at different stages in our lives, I could really relate and appreciate her point of view because it's so similar to mine. In many ways, I've chosen to be single because I simply DO NOT WANT TO SETTLE.
The dating world is so saturated these days and honestly can be really disappointing. I also simply feel that I'm not ready to settle down with anyone until I figure out my own life first - is that so crazy? My mom is constantly telling me I can put things on hold, but to be honest, I think I can! I was in a four-year relationship and then was broken up with. Now I've been single for three years and I have zero regrets. The time on my own has been more valuable to me than any other time in my short 27 years. It's an odd age to be in and I know most of you can relate. Everyone is doing something different even though we're all the same age. But having the confidence and self-confirmation that what I'm doing is good and will absolutely pay-off in my future has me feeling less guilty and more content with my decisions. It's time to stop with the self-deprecation and guilt, and just live. I firmly believe things will work out as they are meant to. And from what I hear - your twenties is the time for you to f*ck up and figure things out. So I'm calling them my "trial period." Taking my time to figure out how to get what I want and making the right moves is all I'm thinking about right now.
For the first time in my life, I know who I am and I know what I want my future career to be. What's more important that that? I know that my girlfriends who found the love of their lives are very lucky and the ones who are settled into their own homes, raising kids are very lucky. But it's not for me, not right now. I am so anxious for adventure. I want to travel even more and build my own business and meet creatives like me and save a sh*t ton of money (that's mine alone) while I have a nice paycheck coming in. I can't wait to meet an amazing guy who just gets me and settle down. But at this point in my life, I'm still figuring myself out and getting me to where I need to be. I want to live wherever I want to live. And do whatever I want to do. And right now, I can. And that feeling is the best feeling in the world. Plus having the option to be home makes me feel very #blessed, I know not everyone can be so lucky!
This post may be a bit of a rant because I hate getting asked about my life, but it's also a selfish journaling of my feelings just to get them out. I used to do a lot more of these personal posts and am thinking I should bring them back! I love having real conversations here. So, tell me - are you feeling the quarter-life crisis too? How do you get through it?